What I have learned today is that things happen for a reason. Often times when things dont go my way, I get angry and upset. That is old pattens re-surfacing for me to take a look at. I cant control everything in my day, and even when I plan on it things just go bottoms up. Patience really is a virtue. Its no wonder I havent had a complete break down yet. Biggest lesson I am reminded of today is never tell another lie again. Cause even when I am telling the truth such as in the present moment, karma comes back to remind me that Im still paying pentance. Sometimes the whole idea of event + interpretation = feeling doesnt always work. Sometimes I feel more depending on the day. Like today, I probably could have handled this situation better had I not been so intent on proving myself to my partner that everything I say now is true. It is not easy building back trust but I am learning that hard work and dedication and being honest with yourself goes a long way. I know he is not upset with me but I can only imagine how hard it is for him to trust me when I am still building trust within myself. I didnt go against my goal of being honest but its the reaction you take to certain events that I have to control otherwise they do get the best of me and I feel like Im walking around like a chicken with its head cut off.
Thank goodness for mindfulness class tonight. Phew, I need a breather!
Cheers
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